The Truth about Cats and Dogs
Just a few short observations after now having lived with a cat, and subsequently a dog.
- Cats are pretty picky with what they eat.
- Dogs eat their own poo.
- Cats beg for food by showing affection. They LOVE you. After you feed them, they couldn't give half a crap if you live or die.
- Dogs beg for food by actually begging. Like a beggar.
The moral: Cats are like bloodsuckingly selfish infinitely intelligent beings, and dogs are like retarded children.
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From The Know it All, by A J. Jacobs -- "EB" below refers to the "Encyclopedia Britannica".
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"My God, these Scotsmen were not cat people. The poor feline species inspires several hundred words of venomous prose [in the original EB]. To give you an idea:
Of all domestic animals, the character of the cat is the most equivocal and suspicious. He is kept, not for any amiable qualities, but purely with a view to banish rats, mice and other noxious animals from our houses.... Constantly bent upon theft and rapine, they are full of cunning and dissimulation; they conceal all their designs; seize every opportunity of doing mischief, and then fly from punishment....In a word, the cat is totally destitute of friendship.
Wait, there's more. The cat is overly "amorous" (that is, horny), "torments" his prey, and generally "delights in destroying all kinds of weak animals indifferently." Cats often pretend to sleep when "in reality they are meditating mischief." Oh, and cat mothers "devour their offspring."
i'm allergic to cats.
anything i'm allergic to must be the incarnation of evil in all its forms of existence.
nuff said
dogs bite. i got bitten. fuck dogs.
Can you imagine an alien's entry on humans?
I have a million coworkers who would take offense at that. They would argue that dogs are lovable. Even if retarded.
I just can't stop laughing at the picture.
It's my posterous, I can say whatever I want! =) Dogs are great if
you love
codependence.
It's not like I'm saying cats are that great either. They're
heartless and
manipulative.
Yeah, at lunch one of my coworkers left his little doggy out by the
tables
for like ten minutes while he went into get food. The thing would
not quit
whining and barking and making pitiful little lost doggy noises.
If it
weren't so cute i woulda kicked it.
dogs are great for practicing penalty kicks. love dogs, esp the punt-sized ones.
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
i have 3 cats and a dog now. but for reals, cats are not evil! they are super affectionate though, it's true, when they want food. and only one of my cats lets me hold her for long. but they are totally adorably territorial, they DEMAND to sleep on my bed with me, ahahaha.
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